my brother and i are alike but not alike

さらば Pittsburghさら
Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 1:28am
Terence P Sperringer Jr:

I don't usually post rants because I know that I'll just say something stupid, but I really have something I need to get off my chest.

I have been at Pitt for 6 years -longer than any other school I've ever been to- and I am graduating May 2nd. I came back from the last gaming night at PJAC tonight, and I feel really weird knowing that I won't be catching the night bus on Tuesdays to the Cathedral anymore. Like sick weird. Pittsburgh is a great place and I would even think about staying here if it wasn't for three things I know deep down: 1) I cannot get a job in Pittsburgh doing what I want because I am not good enough for Pittsburgh, 2) I do not have the ability to start my own company and successfully pay off my debts making video games, and finally 3) I have to move on; I have too much travel in my blood.

I almost wish that something would stop me from graduating and allow me to continue school at Pitt, but I know that I have to move on now. I am no stranger to moving and I am actually pretty good at adapting to new environments, but when it comes to goodbyes I am terrible. Tonight is probably the last night I'll ever see or hear from a few of the faces I only started to become friendly with, and it sucks because I know that I will never hear from or see these new friends again. But what really really sucks is that I am about to lose some friends whom I've known for awhile.

For the first time in my life, I cannot even predict what I will be doing next year. This is extremely scary. I cannot settle down doing a job I hate just "to get by", and while there is a Pittsburgh gaming scene that is awesome and fun-looking, I have a gut feeling that I am not good enough to join it and that even if I could I would be unable to make use of my other degree, Japanese. According to what I have heard and read and researched, the best thing for me to do is find a 'hot bed' for the game industry; a place where there is so much demand for game developers that it is almost impossible not "to get one's foot in the door". A voice keeps telling me that I need to head far West; that if I head West long enough I'll end up where I want to be.

Well, to end this word-salad I just want to say that I am going to miss the hell out of this place, and that I hope that somehow I can keep up with friends (ESPECIALLY non-Facebook friends), without becoming so distant that we never hear from each other again. Those who know me better can tell you that I am terrible at keeping in touch the moment I move out of a 5-mile radius, but I want to make it clear that I am not doing this to be a jerk; I am just a very passive person.

For YOU who actually took the time to read this (and I am very sorry I wasted your time with my rant), please DON'T BE A STRANGER. And for those of you who decide that I'm no longer worth talking to, I am sorry I became so distant.

Until today I've never really considered any place a hometown; I almost considered Canonsburg but almost everyone else in Canonsburg could share stories with each other about growing up, whereas I was always left out. I've long lost contact with the friends I grew up with, and some even 'un-friended' me because I cannot relate to them anymore. But with Pitt, it was like EVERYONE had kind of 'just moved'.

So I have finally decided. Pittsburgh, is my new hometown. I will tell this to the new faces that I meet. Wherever I go. Thank you Pittsburgh, thank you Pitt.